Thursday, September 9, 2010

24 Hours

One day I checked my email, not expecting anything in particular. I found a note from my grandma. My cousin's (you read about her and the plane crash in my previous post) daughter, Zoe, was in trouble and she was asking the family to keep her in our prayers. I immediately got up from my computer, went down the hall to Mattie's room and told her we needed to say a prayer for Zoe. Mattie was concerned and asked a lot of questions. I answered them as well as I could. When we were done praying, Mattie put her arm on my shoulder and told me not to worry, "Zoe's mommy will take care of her". What a sweet, intuitive child. Of course Cecilee would take care of Zoe. Nobody could do it better.

A couple days later we went up to my aunt's house, where Zoe was staying, and we had a delightful afternoon. Mattie and Zoe played all day, the family visited, and we had incredible food. At the end of the night we said out good-byes and I love yous. Matt and I went out of our way to love on Zoe for a moment. We wanted her to know she wasn't alone. After wrapping our arms around her and making a "Zoe sandwich", we drove off, unsure of what the future held for that sweet child.

About 24 hours later, after many tears and prayers, we unexpectedly expressed our desire to have Zoe. This was not in our plans. Although we had thought about it off and on for 2 years (since the plane crash), we never thought an opportunity would present itself. I struggled with how unfair it was that I would raise this little girl and not the mother who gave birth to her. I also struggled with if I would be able to love her as much as I loved and adored my Mattie. Those 24 hours were agonizing. My faithful and peaceful husband knew everything would be ok, but he patiently waited for me to come around. When I finally did, I couldn't stop thinking about Zoe. All at once I wanted her and couldn't bear the thought of her going anywhere else.

7 days later Zoe arrived.

By The Way, you can also find me at Today's Mama today. Skip on over and take a look at my article called School is in Session.