Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Where do you find YOUR inspiration?

One of my favorite nieces (wink, wink) has got me hooked on a new blog. It is a woman who has successfully lost 70 POUNDS and looks terrific!! As I have been reading her past posts I have been thinking about inspiration and where it comes from. These past few weeks I have been finding GOBS of inspiration from my new blogger friends out in the great big blog universe. These women that have inspired me are moms who have made time for themselves, their sanity and their health. I want to grow-up and be like these women.

About 8 years ago I was fresh off my mission, attending college and trying to meet new people in a new town I NEVER thought I would actually live in. One night after a particularly hard run (yes, I ran then) I was lying in my driveway and realized for the first time in my life that I could actually disappear and nobody (except my family) would know I was gone. It was frightening and eye-opening at the same time. It was the first time in my 23 years that I was actually going to live my life for just me! No parents, no YW leaders, no "best friends" (they all lived 1000 miles away), no mission presidents or companions. It was up to me as to what I would spend my time doing. After the initial shock of this realization wore off I was EXCITED!! That's when I really hit the pavement, literally! I had always wanted to run and I made it a priority. I found a job I loved and left he job I hated. I took classes in college that interested me, I dated only the guys that
I wanted to and did NOT feel guilty when I said "no" to the guys I didn't want to date. It was during this time of freedom and discovery that I met my husband. We dated off and on for almost 3 years. I ran through the stresses and the joys of my life. I was healthier than I had ever been and looked fabulous (I'm telling the truth here)!

After getting married I fell into a serious slump. The job I LOVED went really bad and I quit, I wasn't motivated to go back to school and the pounds climbed on. Now, 5 years later, I am nearly50 pounds heavier than I was the day I met my husband. The scale is a constant reminder of that time in my life. So back to inspiration...

These women I have met seem to have mastered the "I'm not good enough, so why try" mentality. It is only recently that I have really been bothered by my size, my health condition and my lack of personal time. I feel like I have given up on me in order to love, support and be there for my family. Why do we, as women, do that? Why does caring for a family
seem to have to come at the high price of who we were before the husband and kids? Now don't get me wrong. This is all self-inflicted. I have a husband that would do anything I needed him to if it meant I could be happier with me. My daughter is only 13 months old and she thinks I am great no matter what I look or feel like.

So today I commit to you, out there in the blog-o-sphere, that I am making a change. Like a new friend of mine said in her post today, I am going "to find a different reward to get the mmmmmmm" (see her post here). In other words, food will no longer be how I handle the stresses and joy in my life. I want to run again! I want to feel strong again! I want to
BE an inspiration for someone out there who feels like me!