How can I say good-bye?

At 10:00pm this evening I got sad news. My grandpa, Vern Holm, died today. He died in the way we all want to, peacefully in his sleep. The neighbors noticed that his sprinklers had been on in the same in the yard place all day (for those who don't know, my grandpa was a master gardener with hardly a blade of grass out of place). When they found him he was lying on his bed. My aunts and uncles were notified and came immediately. It was my uncle who noticed my grandpa's yard bucket and hoe by the back door. We figure he had been working in the yard, got a bit winded and tired, hooked himself up to his oxygen and laid down for nap. Little did he know he would never wake-up again.

I am heart broken. All I can think is all the little things I wanted to do for him, but never found the time. He had given Mattie some money for Christmas to buy a new outfit. I have some great pictures of her in that outfit that I wanted to send to him so he could see what he had gotten her. I wish I had a picture of my grandpa holding his great-granddaughter in his arms. I wish I had sent him the letter I have been writing in my head since March (the anniversary of my grandma's death 8 years ago). I wish my husband would have had the opportunity to know him better. I wish I could have seen and talked to him one more time...

I am grateful that on his birthday in November, Matt, Mattie and I took him a gift and spent several hours there visiting and sharing stories. I am grateful to have had him in my life for 30 1/2 years. Not many adults can say the same. I am grateful he got to see his great-granddaughter in December. I am grateful for the legacy of love, story telling and hard-work he has left behind for me and my growing family. I am grateful to know that my family will be together forever. I am grateful to know that my grandma and grandpa have had a wonderful reunion after being apart for 8 long years.

Selfishly, I want him back. I want to give him one last hug and kiss.

I will miss you grandpa. I will miss your stories, your yard and your love. The stories that helped know what kind of man you are, the yard that holds so many of my favorite childhood memories and the love that gave this family light and life.

I share this with all the love in my heart, your oldest grandchild, Amy Lee