Discipline, Boundaries and Consistency

There have been other incidences since "I'm a dude". One day the girls were chewing on the small rubber princess dresses. Not only is that gross, but nobody is teething around here. Another day they colored with black dry erase markers all over themselves, their clothes and my mom's nice little table (used to be my grandpa's) that has been in the girls room (It was given back after "I'm a dude". Now it's gone for a long time.) A couple days ago they smeared something unidentifiable on my parents huge screen TV. Each time, I had nicely asked the girls to change their behavior and explained the appropriate behavior, in kid friendly terms, of course. By the 3rd, 4th or 5th warning, no more chances. Some days I respond well to the disobedience. Some days I feel like a crazy woman out of control.

Two weeks ago, the St. George temple president's wife spoke in stake conference about how The Book of Mormon can teach you how to be a parent. She also talked about how reading the scriptures can strengthen a family. I took her counsel to heart. The next day we had a family home evening lesson about the Bible and The Book of Mormon. We talked about the origins of each and then bore our testimonies of both books. It was a spiritual experience. For our activity/treat we made Scripture Cookies. With scripture cookies you have to look-up and read certain scriptures to find the ingredients for the cookies. It was so fun and the girls had a great time reading with us from the scriptures and hunting for the ingredients. By the way, the cookies were awesome! (recipe will be posted soon)

The following week our family home evening was about having a stronger family. First, I showed a rope and we noticed that it's made of  interwoven strands. If any of the strands were cut, broken or frayed the rope would unravel and not be strong. We likened that to our family. That we are each a strand to our family rope. I told the story of when Nephi's bow broke and talked about Lehi's family. Afterward, we talked about all the things we need to do to make our family strong every day. Things like reading the scriptures, saying family prayer, being nice and sharing were mentioned. The girls also talked about something involving play-doh, but I didn't understand. They thought it was hilarious and laughed about it all night.

Yesterday morning, after taking the girls to preschool, I headed to the temple. I needed help beyond the every day. All that I am comfortable with and accustomed to has changed and I was looking for Divine inspiration. It came. I left feeling lighter then I have since August 11th, the day Zoe arrived. I drove to Target and bought two "Responsibility Charts", thank you Circo and Target. I then bought some cute little dollar prizes and one $5 prize (for each girl). I am not above bribery.

When I got home we talked about behavior and boundaries, then set-up their charts. I explained how the prizes would work and they were thrilled. I think we are on a good path. I know that God wants us to succeed. I also know He has heard my desperate pleading for help with these two sweet, curious, energetic, tireless, independent, helpful, creative girls. My desire is to accentuate their strengths and individuality, not to make them feel small or not good enough.

The next step is to work on my consistency and method. Like it says in the scriptures, "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;" (D&C 1221:43) Discipline, love, discipline, love, discipline, love, etc. This is how the Lord works with us, His children. It is the pattern I should follow with children on loan to me. Now to find the patience to accompany it...

Get on Board and Believe

"What a week!"

That's what I said on Monday night as I prepared to lay my stress-filled head on my pillow. Before finally putting myself to bed, my hubby and I prayed together. We needed Divine help in a way we never had before. Along with guidance and peace we asked for a way to have 2 twin beds in time. We didn't know exactly when Zoe would arrive, but we knew our time was short. How would we make it all work? Man, was I stressed out!

At 9:00am the next morning, Zoe's caseworker called. I had just started my breakfast and Mattie was in her room getting dressed. "Amy, can we bring Zoe today? Probably later this afternoon. I will call you with an exact time after I meet with Ann." (Zoe's maternal grandmother) I was stunned. I could hardly speak. What about the beds? Am I making a mistake? Will Mattie be ok? Is it too late to back out? These are the thoughts that raced through my mind before I was able to squeak out a "Sure. If that's what you need. She can come today." After I hung-up the phone I stood in silence. What should I do first? My body wouldn't move. The reality of what we had chosen was washing over me in great waves and I felt like I would drown. What should I do first? In that instant I couldn't eat one more bite. I had to act. There was so much to do! What should I do first?

Well, the first thing I did was call Matt. He was the calm, logical one and he would know what to do. With reassurance in his voice he said everything would be ok. Just start with getting the room ready for another little girl. Then he hung-up. Before I could even walk down the stairs, Matt called back. His parents had 2 twin beds for us, bedding and all. They were preparing, AT THAT MOMENT, to drive everything to us from Richfield. After that phone call I started to cry.

I was living one of the stories you hear in Sunday School. You know the one. A family has an immediate, even desperate need. After a faith filled and heartfelt prayer, an answer comes. Miraculously. Without explanation except to say it was a gift from God. It was then that I was able to really see all the small miracles we had received over the past few weeks. Miracles that were hard to see at first. Immediately, I went to my bedroom, walked into the closet, closed the door, got down on my knees and poured my heart out. And cried some more. This wasn't the first (or last) time I would do this. My closet is the best place for such a moment. If I keep the light off, nobody knows I'm there (including children).

Eventually my caseworker called back and said they would bring Zoe first thing the next morning. Phew! Just enough time to get the bedroom ready, clean the house and FRY my nerves. Actually, as was the set standard, everything went smoothly. It was clear that God had his hand in every part of this process. He has a plan and we just need to get on board and believe.

24 Hours

One day I checked my email, not expecting anything in particular. I found a note from my grandma. My cousin's (you read about her and the plane crash in my previous post) daughter, Zoe, was in trouble and she was asking the family to keep her in our prayers. I immediately got up from my computer, went down the hall to Mattie's room and told her we needed to say a prayer for Zoe. Mattie was concerned and asked a lot of questions. I answered them as well as I could. When we were done praying, Mattie put her arm on my shoulder and told me not to worry, "Zoe's mommy will take care of her". What a sweet, intuitive child. Of course Cecilee would take care of Zoe. Nobody could do it better.

A couple days later we went up to my aunt's house, where Zoe was staying, and we had a delightful afternoon. Mattie and Zoe played all day, the family visited, and we had incredible food. At the end of the night we said out good-byes and I love yous. Matt and I went out of our way to love on Zoe for a moment. We wanted her to know she wasn't alone. After wrapping our arms around her and making a "Zoe sandwich", we drove off, unsure of what the future held for that sweet child.

About 24 hours later, after many tears and prayers, we unexpectedly expressed our desire to have Zoe. This was not in our plans. Although we had thought about it off and on for 2 years (since the plane crash), we never thought an opportunity would present itself. I struggled with how unfair it was that I would raise this little girl and not the mother who gave birth to her. I also struggled with if I would be able to love her as much as I loved and adored my Mattie. Those 24 hours were agonizing. My faithful and peaceful husband knew everything would be ok, but he patiently waited for me to come around. When I finally did, I couldn't stop thinking about Zoe. All at once I wanted her and couldn't bear the thought of her going anywhere else.

7 days later Zoe arrived.

By The Way, you can also find me at Today's Mama today. Skip on over and take a look at my article called School is in Session.

Looking Back to Look Forward

In order to tell my story, we will have to look back. Two years ago. In some ways, it's been a short two years. In other ways, it's been a lifetime. The lifetime of a child.

Two years ago I wrote about a horrific plane crash that changed my family forever. For you to understand and appreciate how we have become "four" you will need to read a handful of posts from 2008. On August 19th I wrote about Perspective. Little did I know how close to home this post would hit. On August 25th I was too heartbroken to say much. On August 30th I was Ready to talk about it. Finally, on September 16th, I shared what happened and my realization that Life Goes On (some of the links/images no longer work-sorry).

In the aftermath of such tragedy, the fact that life does go on almost feels inappropriate. How can life continue moving forward when there is so much lost? However, comfort, peace, and healing only come when you let go and give in to moving forward. It's a difficult dichotomy, but very true.

Full to Overflowing

That is my heart. Full to overflowing.

I walked down the hall, heading to the bathroom, when I had the most overwhelming urge to scoop up my daughter and cradle her in my arms. After a quick visit to the bathroom, I walked into my daughter's dark, sleepy bedroom and felt my way to where she was sleeping deeply. I love to here her even breathing while she dreams.

First, I fixed her blankets. Then I kissed her head and stood up to leave.

It wasn't enough.

I bent back down and kissed her little head a few more times. Then her cheeks. Then that little soft spot just below her chin. I have loved to kiss that spot since the moment she was put in my arms.

Still not enough.

I gently held her hand. The involuntary clenching of her hand in mine made me smile. I remember when she would wrap her long, newborn fingers around my fingers. Then I counted each long finger, caressed them in my hand and kissed each one.

It had to be enough. I didn't want to wake her.

As I walked down the hall to my room, I tearfully thought of another sweet little daughter (not mine), whom I love. May the spirit of her sweet mother comfort and keep her as the days of decision and change lay ahead. May all that is good and right be hers.

It's still not enough, but my overflowing heart will have to wait until tomorrow.

Bless Our Happy Home

I have always been somewhat of a homebody. Home is a place I enjoy being. I like the people there. I like my stuff. I like how it feels. I like how it smells (usually-I need to win some Scentsy!). Interestingly, traveling is one of my favorite things to do, so I'm not completely a homebody, but when it comes to my day to day activities, you will find me here.

Maybe that's why I loved this quote so much. I strive to create a place that people like to be. A place that feels welcoming, calming, fun and homey. A place my family wants to call home.

What do you do to create a home that is a place you, your family and your friends like to be?

"A home is much more than a house built of lumber, brick, or stone. A home is made of love, sacrifice, and respect. We are responsible for the homes we build. We must build wisely, for eternity is not a short voyage. There will be calm and wind, sunlight and shadows, joy and sorrow. But if we really try, our home can be a bit of heaven here on earth. The thoughts we think, the deeds we do, the lives we live not only influence the success of our earthly journey, they also mark the way to our eternal goals."

-- President Thomas S. Monson,"Heavenly Homes, Forever Families"